05.05.11 The 9th Practice for Avoiding Negative Gossip : Avoid Blaming Others

Avoid Blaming Others

More often than not, and as earlier explained, negative-gossip conversations focus on the wrongs, blunders or failures of the person or entity being spoken about rather than the propagator of the gossip. So, as mentioned elsewhere, one way that you could avoid engaging in such gossip is by identifying your errors rather than only those of the victim. In other words, identify how you could have contributed to the chain of events instead of attributing each and every mistake to that victim. For instance, what did you do or say which you should never have done or said? In the same vein, what did you not do or say which you should have done?

In my case and before pointing fingers at the colleague who shared the bad rumour about the church minister, I also had to check myself. For instance, did my behaviour or earlier interactions with the person invite the gossip? Could there be something that I did or said which sent a message that I was ready to entertain rumours of that nature? Is there a word that I could have said off-guard maybe? Did I come across as someone who would proceed to rebuke the sister without any concrete evidence regarding the allegations made against her? Could the gossiper have seen me rubbing shoulders with people reknowned for using rumours as a basis for reprimanding people?

Looking at JuaLink, if Obed had asked ‘relevant’ questions, he would have discovered that it was Edisa Kitchens at fault rather than Faraja or Neema. On that premise, the man would have migrated from blaming the two women to discussing plans for improving his wife’s product, coupled with an apology for having delivered dishes that were below the required standard. Such an approach would have left no room for Obed to participate in Lulu’s negative gossip about the ‘breakfast matter’. Plus, he would not have wasted his energy by carrying Lulu’s gossip to Yubu, the board chairman.

When it comes to Aaron, he should have taken the blame for molding the golden calf rather than accusing his supervisees. Do you know that he even blamed the fire as if it had lit itself? Let us revisit Exodus 32:21-25 which reports what happened (ERV): ²¹Moses said to Aaron, “What did these people do to you that would make you do this? Why did you lead them to do such a terrible sin?” ²²Aaron answered, “Don’t be angry, sir. You know that these people are always ready to do wrong.²³The people said to me, ‘Moses led us out of Egypt, but we don’t know what has happened to him. So make us some gods to lead us.’ ²⁴So I told the people, ‘If you have any gold rings, then give them to me.’ The people gave me their gold. I threw the gold into the fire, and out of the fire came this calf!” ²⁵Moses saw that Aaron had let the people get out of control. They were being wild, and all their enemies could see them acting like fools.

The message is, own your mistakes rather than using negative gossip to blame the people or the system.