05.05.06 The 4th Practice for Avoiding Negative Gossip : Keep Your Discussions About Peers Formal
Keep Your Discussions About Peers ‘Formal’
In order to keep gossip-prone conversations formal, especially in an organisational setting, a gossip policy is key since it will guide you on how to stay ‘official’ when responding to any rumour in your path, should that ever become necessary.
Interestingly, the bible does not show Nehemiah getting overfamiliar with Sanballat, Tobiah, Geshem or their cohorts. Even when the prophet Shemaiah tried to ‘get personal’ under the pretext of advising Nehemiah to hide in the temple so as to escape from an assassination which, as we know, was fake news, Nehemiah’s response remained formal. Let us revisit what he said in Nehemiah 6:11, using the Living Bible version (TLB): 11But I replied, “Should I, the governor, run away from danger? And if I go into the temple, not being a priest, I would forfeit my life. No, I won’t do it!”. We see that he stated his position as the governor. What could have been more formal than that?
However, when it came to Aaron and the children of Israel’s plea for a god, we do not see him (Aaron) emphatically asserting his formal position as the leader of that community. All we hear is his demand for ‘personal items’ in the form of people’s jewellery. Writers report just how personal such items were in ancient Israel. Not only was it a status symbol signifying a person’s wealth, but nose rings and earrings conveyed one’s betrothal (Genesis 24:22) and even marital status. Let us revisit Exodus 32:2 regarding Aaron’s instructions for people to surrender their personal jewellery. The verse reads (NKJV): 2And Aaron said to them, “Break off the golden earrings which are in the ears of your wives, your sons, and your daughters, and bring them to me.” The man went too ‘personal’ with the crowds hence the catastrophic events that followed.
Looking at the JuaLink story, do you know that Neema could have avoided involving herself in negative gossip right from the first time that Lulu conveyed bad rumours about workmates? Although the relationship was still new, the young graduate could have firmly insisted on listening to formal discussions only, rather than conversations about Faraja’s private life. On that backdrop, chances are that Lulu would have given up involving the young graduate in discussions about the publicity manager’s personal issues and those of other colleagues, early enough.
When confronted with a negative rumour, one important way for sticking to ‘formal’ talk is by checking whether your organisation has a gossip policy. If so, you should accord time to familiarise yourself with that document. Some of the things to verify are: does the policy prohibit gossipmongering or negative-gossip discussions? Are you and your peers aware of what is permissible and the inherent prohibitions? If your colleagues are not aware, are you able to alert them about the policy and the repercussions of discussing team members’ private issues? Can internal seminars be conducted to create awareness about the policy and communicate the organisation’s stand regarding negative gossip?
If the gossip policy is in place and a colleague attempts to seduce you into engaging in a negative rumour, let them know that you will adhere to that policy; then make sure that you comply with it.
In case your organisation does not have a gossip policy yet, communicate your position by letting members know that you will not discuss people’s personal issues or negative rumours except if formally required by virtue of your job position. To put simply, develop a personal brand where colleagues know that you just do not discuss other people’s private lives, as a personal value or standard. Lastly, remember to be polite, respectful and objective when communicating your position.