05.05.13 The 11th Practice for Avoiding Negative Gossip : Say Something Positive About the Victim of Negative Gossip

Say Something Positive About the Victim of Negative Gossip

Saying something good about a victim of negative gossip is one of the tactics I use to quench rumours; and it works. The realisation that no one is ‘one-hundred-percent-bad’ can stop you from negatively gossiping against people since you are then able to notice, appreciate and acknowledge ‘the good’ in the victim, rather than only focusing on his or her shortfalls.

In Nehemiah’s story, if Shemaiah and his fellow prophets had insisted on highlighting Nehemiah’s service to the community, such as building the wall and helping the needy (Nehemiah 5), Sanballat, Tobiah and Geshem wouldn’t have found room for bribing the prophets to give false prophecies to Nehemiah.

Likewise, in the case of JuaLink, Njia could have avoided involving himself in Lulu’s negative rumours by reorienting his focus to the good that Faraja had brought to the Agency, considering that her excellent performance was making the company shine in an aggressively competitive market, moreover with Bidacom just across the street. By the way, did the managing director ever consider that his salary could be hiked as a result of the higher bottom-line performance that the Agency was enjoying on Faraja’s ticket? Had the managing director persistently punched holes in Lulu’s negative gossip, say, by complimenting Faraja and reiterating the new manager’s positive contribution to JuaLink; the publicity officer would have eventually lost interest in using gossip to bias Njia against Faraja.

When it comes to Aaron, he surely should have reminded the children of Israel about the many positive things that God had worked through Moses, since Aaron had been and was still at the centre stage of all those happenings, right from the ten plagues in Egypt (Exodus 7-11), the parting of the Red Sea (Exodus 14:13-31); getting water from the rock (Exodus 17:5-6); bitter water made drinkable (Exodus 15:22-25); the manna and the quail (Exodus 16:4-36); and others. Plus, he knew how often Moses would intercede for those people, pleading with God to forgive and not punish them for their stiff-nakedness. We all know that Aaron was an eloquent speaker (Exodus 4:14). If he could convince the children of Israel to lay down the gold that they had got from the Egyptians (Exodus 12:35-36), he would have managed to successfully remind them of Moses' good work, thereby getting them to drop the insinuation that Moses would never return to the camp.

Therefore, should you hear a bad rumour about a person, look deeper than what meets the eye, to cite the individual’s good attributes and contributions to colleagues, the department, team, entity and organisation as a whole. If the gossip is unfair or lopsided, defend or stand up for the victim rather than teaming up with the gossiper to speak ‘ill’ of the person being gossiped against. In essence, training your tongue to relay the good in people will help you to avoid badmouthing them.

Lastly, it does not mean that you should not constructively criticise the victim. However, balance his or her good points with those that need improvement.