05.05.08 The 6th Practice for Avoiding Negative Gossip : Look for an Exit
Look for an ‘Exit’
When you perceive that a conversation is metamorphosing into ‘negative gossip’, you can avoid indulging in it by ‘exiting’ the discussion.
You may recall how I sought for an exit from a rumour about the church minister; by disassociating myself from the gossip and not updating the gossipmonger about the issue. Fortunately, my colleague did not ask for any feedback either; and if she had, I would have gently suggested that we should pray for the victim first and ask God for guidance on the way forward. That would have definitely silenced the negative gossiper.
Since Aaron was staying in the camp, I would like to infer that there were several windows for him to find ‘an exit’ to the negative rumour that had hit the settlement other than waiting for things to go haywire. For instance, he must have had some informants; which means that as already mentioned, Aaron would have observed the rumour as it took hold. The bible is silent about whether he had participated in the rumour before it reached the climax. But if the children of Israel made any attempts to drag him into it, he should have excused himself, or better still, commanded the mongers to stop propagating that rumour.
Neema took the wise option of looking for an exit, quite early. In the JuaLink story, we see the young graduate completely disconnecting herself from the prayer fellowships once she realised that the bulk of their discussions were loaded with negative-gossip.
In fact, there are a number of ways that you can withdraw from a negative-gossip conversation.
For example, in case of a physical meeting or encounter with gossipmongers, you could leave the room or even stop attending such gatherings. However, there are times when strutting out of meetings may not be practical or prudent as you may appear insubordinate, arrogant or defiant; which could raise eyebrows. In other instances, it may not even be physically feasible or possible to leave. Therefore, if trapped in such a scenario, consider changing the subject or cautioning the gossiper albeit politely, requesting that she or he discontinues the conversation. If the person relaying the gossip is your superior, silence could be your best option. However, if you have to say anything, keep your words to the barest minimum and be ‘neutral’. All in all, under no circumstance should you ever add to the gossip being relayed unless you are double-sure of the facts, just in case you are asked to defend your position during that meeting or sometime in the future.
If the negative gossip is on social media platforms such as WhatsApp and others, you could contemplate exiting the group or blocking the chat. However, there are cases where that may not be pragmatic, for instance, when members of an organisation, department, unit or team have been formally registered in the Group. Normally though, guidelines for participation would have already been shared with members. Therefore, should you feel that rules are being violated, you could ‘inbox’ the ‘administrator’ and request that she or he reminds members to adhere to the regulations of the Group. Plus, you can politely comment, propose or remind peers that the communication should stick to professional issues only.
Nevertheless, there are benefits that could accrue from your being physically present in a meeting or staying in the Group even when negative gossip is the order of the day! For instance, you get to discover what colleagues actually think so that you plan the most effective way of dealing with the issues being gossiped about without getting swayed into taking part in those rumours. After all, ‘the devil you know is better than the devil that you don’t know’. A good example in the JuaLink story and as mentioned in many places, is where Sarah continued to attend the ‘gossip-infested’ lunch hour fellowships; yet refrained from being dragged into the habit. The message here is that you should exercise your self-control.
Further, in case you decide to ‘listen-in’ or stay in the Group, you do not have to read or pay attention to pollutant rumours. In fact, Proverbs 18:8 compares negative-gossip to junk. That verse reads (MSG): 8Listening to gossip is like eating cheap candy; do you really want junk like that in your belly? Therefore, even as you ‘listen-in’ or read a chat, sieve out the information that you deem useful, then trash the rest. Otherwise, if you are not careful, and as already said, gossip can be so sweet that it slowly sucks you in. See how the Good News Translation puts it: 8Gossip is so tasty—how we love to swallow it! (Proverbs 18:8, GNT).