01.07.T02-SA — Self-Assessment: Making It Easier for Others to Forgive You

How Do You Respond After Offending Someone?

This Self-Assessment invites you to examine how you typically respond after offending someone and whether your subsequent behaviour creates an environment in which forgiveness can take place more easily.

Answer according to what you actually tend to do, rather than what you believe you should do.

How to Complete the Assessment

For each statement, select the response that best describes you.

1 — Never | 2 — Rarely | 3 — Sometimes | 4 — Often | 5 — Very Often

1. I acknowledge when something I have done has offended another person.

1  2  3  4  5

2. I apologise when I recognise that I have offended someone.

1  2  3  4  5

3. When I apologise, I clearly say that I am sorry rather than relying on other actions to communicate my apology.

1  2  3  4  5

4. I apologise even when I am uncertain about how the other person will respond.

1  2  3  4  5

5. I listen when someone tells me that something I did offended him or her.

1  2  3  4  5

6. I remain calm when someone confronts me about something I have done that offended him or her.

1  2  3  4  5

7. When someone confronts me about an offence, I acknowledge my part without immediately pointing out what the other person did wrong.

1  2  3  4  5

8. I avoid using excuses to minimise something I did that offended another person.

1  2  3  4  5

9. When I apologise, I make an effort not to repeat the same behaviour that offended that person.

1  2  3  4  5

10. I continue communicating with someone when we need to resolve an offence or disagreement.

1  2  3  4  5

11. I avoid withdrawing communication as a way of punishing someone after a disagreement.

1  2  3  4  5

12. I respond positively when someone I have offended makes an attempt to resolve the situation.

1  2  3  4  5

13. I avoid treating someone less favourably as a response to that person's complaint about something I did.

1  2  3  4  5

14. I avoid using my position, authority or influence against someone as a response to that person's complaint about something I did.

1  2  3  4  5

15. After offending someone, I consider how my actions may have affected that person.

1  2  3  4  5

16. I am willing to make changes that could contribute to repairing a relationship I have damaged.

1  2  3  4  5

17. I extend to other people the treatment that I expect from them when I have been offended.

1  2  3  4  5

18. I take responsibility for my conduct even when the other person also contributed to the disagreement.

1  2  3  4  5

Your Relationship Repair Practices Score

Add your responses to Statements 1–18.

Your Score: ______ / 90

Understanding Your Score

18–35 — Relationship Repair Practices Require Considerable Attention

Your responses suggest that several of the practices explored in this chapter are not yet consistently evident in the way you respond after offending someone.

Review your lowest-rated statements. They may identify behaviours that make it more difficult for another person to forgive you or for a damaged relationship to move towards repair.

36–53 — Some Relationship Repair Practices Are Developing

Your responses suggest that some of the practices explored in this chapter are evident while others require greater attention.

Review your lowest-rated statements to identify areas in which your response after offending someone could improve.

54–71 — Many Relationship Repair Practices Are Evident

Your responses suggest that many of the practices explored in this chapter are evident in the way you respond after offending someone.

Review your lower-rated statements to identify practices that you could apply more consistently.

72–90 — Relationship Repair Practices Are Strongly Evident

Your responses suggest that many of the practices that can make it easier for another person to forgive you are strongly evident in the way you respond after offending someone.

Pay attention to individual statements on which you scored lower, particularly where certain relationships or circumstances make these practices more difficult to apply.

Taking a Closer Look

1. Which three statements received your lowest ratings?

1. ______________________________________________________

2. ______________________________________________________

3. ______________________________________________________

2. Were any of your ratings lower than you expected?

☐ Yes
☐ No

If yes, which ones? Why did the ratings surprise you?

3. Is there a particular relationship in which you find any of the practices identified through this assessment difficult to apply?

☐ Yes
☐ No
☐ I am not sure

If yes, which practice do you find difficult to apply?

What makes applying that practice difficult in that relationship?

4. Which of the practices identified through this assessment do you already apply consistently after offending someone?

5. In reference to the practices identified through this assessment, which one would you like to apply more consistently? Why?