01.07.11 The 9th Behaviour that Makes It Difficult for Others to Forgive You

9. Selfishness

Birungi explained how Lutalo would go stepping on other people’s toes whilst he had zero tolerance for employees who dared offend him.  “That was being outright selfish”, she pointed out in dismay.

Lutalo had forgotten that relationships are a ‘two-way street’.  If a relationship is lopsided, things may not work, as one party will seem to benefit at the expense of the other.  Such a relationship will definitely end up with one of the parties either frustrated or upset.  

You must aspire to learn the expectations of those in your sphere of influence and accommodate them in a relationship.  Have empathy.  Be ready to ‘give-and-take’ instead of always expecting that others should seek your pardon, while you sit back, relax and enjoy being begged for forgiveness.  You need to be sensitive to the emotions of those around you.  If you just take and take without giving out, you push people into the ‘do-not-forgive’ zone, thereby contributing to them becoming bitter in a relationship.

Just as I was about to conclude this point, my husband called.  “It is getting late, I hope you will be here within the hour”, he said; at which I promised that we would depart from the Island pretty shortly.  “And, guess what…, I ordered some prawns so prepare your stomach for a gorgeous dinner” I pledged.  

Soon thereafter, I told Birungi that we should ‘call it a day’.  She smiled, glancing at her wrist watch.  “Wow, time has flown so fast today”, she exclaimed…, “but one thing I can tell you for sure is that I have made up my mind to forgive Lutalo.  The costs of not doing so are quite high, and I am not prepared to incur them.., plus you have shown me how…, so the ball is in my court!”  That was the best news I had heard from her in a long time, I thought, as I gave her a very big hug.

Soon we were homeward bound on-board the wooden dinghy; chatting whilst admiring the orange patterns that the tropical sunset had so intricately cast on the ocean.  The sea was amazingly calm, as if in commemoration of the peace that Birungi had finally found.  “Thank you for this surprise…, it was so special”, she whispered just before we disembarked.  “Don’t forget our salon date tomorrow”, she added.  There was no doubt that our Saturday had been very well spent.  “Oh, thank you Lord”, I said under my breath. For I knew in my heart of hearts, that my mission had been accomplished!