01.04.11 The 9th Cost of Unforgiveness

9. Hating Yourself

Did you know that self-hatred is another common consequence of unforgiveness?  In fact, self-hatred is rooted from the tendency to blame one-self; which if not checked, could result in failing to forgive yourself.  This was the challenge that a young man, Teberonda, faced.  

Teberonda had been brought up to win.  The only son in a family of six, his dad, a peasant farmer had struggled to see to it that the boy went to the best of schools.  “I would like you to become a doctor..., then you will take care of us”, the father would always say; hoping that his proclamations would motivate the son to comprehend his unique position in the family.

Teberonda was a hard worker and when his results came, he had been the best at the school.  He was forthwith awarded a scholarship to attend one of the best schools in the country.  He still recalls how his daddy had thrown a ‘millet beer’ party to bid him farewell, sending him off with blessings for success.

However, life at the school was very far from what the young man had expected.  For the students were all ‘best performers’ from all over the country.  And, rather than pull up his socks to handle the stiff competition, Teberonda just lost his self-esteem.  “I cannot handle these guys”, he kept complaining to his father whenever he managed to turn up for the parents day; noticing that his son’s name was consistently at the bottom of the list.

But the worst was when Teberonda received the results that his ‘A’ level grades were not good enough for him to be admitted to Medical School.  Teberonda still recalls how frustrated he had felt.  Two years later, the father fell seriously ill having been given an overdose of malaria drugs in a village clinic.  And as the old man could not access adequate medical attention in the village, he passed away.  “Had I been a doctor, this would never have happened”, Teberonda had kept saying; blaming himself for having not been able to fulfil his father’s dreams, let alone prolong his life.

There is nothing as bad as having a perception that you are infallible; as this ends up taxing you.  Remember, you are human.  Therefore, when you make a mistake, it is prudent for you to accept it, and move on.  Otherwise, your self-esteem could grossly suffer as you continuously kick yourself in the gut, repeatedly blaming yourself for what happened even when certain occurings were beyond your control.  

As soon as I concluded that point, Birungi exclaimed; “Joy, I would never have imagined that unforgiveness can be that risky”, she confessed.  “What amazes me is the fact that while I continue to face heavy penalties through not forgiving Lutalo, the man is definitely ‘enjoying life’.  Is that really fair?  I simply can’t carry on like this!” she declared with determination.  

Could you be feeling the same way?  The good news is, unforgiveness and bitterness can be prevented, as Birungi soon found out.