01.04.10 The 8th Cost of Unforgiveness

8. Pushing yourself into an Extra-Marital Affair

In the aftermath of catching her husband Mpewo red-handed with another woman, Yanita decided to get a boy-friend after a long ‘three-hour counselling session’ from her workmate Bonita.  Irrespective of being a divorcee, Bonita had impressed Yanita with the way she (Bonita) had maintained her ‘cool’ the whole time.  “You are a very strong woman Boni”, Yanita would say, showering the divorcee with compliments.  

It was during one such lengthy lecture that Bonita had finally revealed her source of strength.  “I thank God that Sula was there for me to run to, otherwise, life would have been unbearable”, the divorcee had disclosed while pulling out a tattered photograph of the man-friend who had made Bonita’s life ‘hot and exciting’.  “Yanita, find someone to give you comfort and consolation…, not only will that ease your heartache but it will put an end to your sleepless nights”, she had added.

For a couple of months, Yanita had cheated on Mpewo.  And, surprisingly, the forbidden fruit tasted sweeter.  Yanita recalls the contentment she would feel whenever she came back from a ‘stolen date’.  “It serves him right”, she would say to herself, once guilt attempted to poke its head through her troubled thoughts.  Moreover, each time she shared her secret escapades with Bonita, the divorcee would congratulate her.  “Nita, life is too short to spend it crying over a mere man, my friend”, she would say.

What stopped Yanita dead in her tracks was the day she discovered that she was pregnant.  A mad Mpewo kicked the wife out of his house, without a wince.  Several months later, baby Lulu was born ‘on the side’.  She recounts how the birth of her daughter spelt ‘bad news’.  The girl came into a world which did not want her; for unlike many other children, she had not been born out of love.  Rather, the baby was a product of her parents’ frustrations and selfishness; brought about by unforgiveness of past relationships!  Sad to say, even though Yanita greatly regretted her mistake, Lulu could not be ‘rewound’ back into her mother’s womb.  And, despite the fact that Lulu deserved the right to be loved, unforgiveness had cheated her of that right.  

The tendency not to forgive spouses is the fuel behind many extramarital affairs.  In fact, the number of ‘marrieds’ that use extramarital affairs as an antidote for the sins committed by a partner is overwhelming.  Yet none of such relationships has ever provided permanent relief.  Sufferers have found out sooner or later, that the ‘stand-by’ partner that they ran to for solace was as unstable as their permanent spouse, or even worse.