01.03.T02-SA — Self-Assessment: Common Symptoms of Unforgiveness

How Evident Are the Symptoms of Unforgiveness in My Life?

The previous Reflection Scorecard helped you recognise some of the ways in which unforgiveness may manifest itself. This Self-Assessment invites you to examine how evident these tendencies may be in your own life.

As you respond, think about your reactions towards people who have offended you. Answer according to your actual experience rather than how you think you ought to respond.

How to Complete the Assessment

For each statement, select the response that best describes you.

1 — Never | 2 — Rarely | 3 — Sometimes | 4 — Often | 5 — Very Often

1. I deliberately avoid situations in which I am likely to encounter someone who has offended me.

1  2  3  4  5

2. Memories of an offence can revive painful emotions even after considerable time has passed.

1  2  3  4  5

3. I tend to explain or justify my reactions towards an offender rather than consider whether those reactions may be rooted in unforgiveness.

1  2  3  4  5

4. When someone who offended me makes another mistake, I bring previous offences into the present situation.

1  2  3  4  5

5. I repeatedly dwell on an offence when I am alone.

1  2  3  4  5

6. I tell other people about what an offender did even when sharing the information is not necessary for resolving the situation at hand.

1  2  3  4  5

7. Small mistakes by someone who offended me can trigger a strong reaction from me.

1  2  3  4  5

8. I alter my plans or routines to reduce the possibility of interacting with someone who has offended me.

1  2  3  4  5

9. I say that I have forgiven someone even when my thoughts, feelings or behaviour towards that person suggest otherwise.

1  2  3  4  5

10. Seeing or hearing about someone who offended me can revive feelings connected to what happened.

1  2  3  4  5

11. During disagreements, I remind an offender of wrongs that occurred before the present issue.

1  2  3  4  5

12. I want other people to know about the wrongs committed by someone who has offended me.

1  2  3  4  5

13. I find it difficult to control my anger when dealing with someone who has offended me.

1  2  3  4  5

14. Thoughts about an offence can occupy my mind even when I would rather concentrate on something else.

1  2  3  4  5

15. I feel relieved when circumstances allow me to avoid someone who has offended me.

1  2  3  4  5

16. I regard an offence as settled, yet I continue to react strongly when something reminds me of it.

1  2  3  4  5

17. An incident that reminds me of a past offence can affect me more strongly than I expect.

1  2  3  4  5

18. I revisit an offender’s past wrongs when describing that person or discussing our relationship.

1  2  3  4  5

19. I feel some satisfaction when other people become aware of an offender’s wrong-doings.

1  2  3  4  5

20. I sometimes react more angrily towards an offender than the immediate situation warrants.

1  2  3  4  5

21. I spend considerable time thinking about an offence and the circumstances surrounding it.

1  2  3  4  5

My Score

Add your responses to Statements 1–21.

My Score: ______ / 105

Understanding My Score

21–41 — Few Symptoms Evident

Your responses suggest that the symptoms of unforgiveness explored in this chapter are not strongly evident in your life.

Your overall score, however, does not tell the whole story. Review any statements on which you selected Often or Very Often, since particular responses may deserve closer attention.

42–62 — Some Symptoms Evident

Your responses suggest that some symptoms of unforgiveness may be evident in your life.

Review your higher-scoring statements carefully. They may reveal particular ways in which unforgiveness tends to manifest itself in your thoughts, feelings or behaviour.

63–83 — Several Symptoms Evident

Your responses suggest that several symptoms of unforgiveness may be evident in your life.

Pay particular attention to the statements on which you selected Often or Very Often. Consider whether these responses are associated with a particular person, offence or situation.

84–105 — Symptoms Strongly Evident

Your responses suggest that many of the symptoms explored in this chapter may be strongly evident in your life.

Rather than viewing the score as a label, use it to identify the responses that require closer examination as you continue through the Guide.

Taking a Closer Look at My Responses

Return to the 21 statements and identify those on which you selected Often or Very Often.

Which responses occur most frequently in your life?

Were any of your higher-scoring responses unexpected?

☐ Yes
☐ No

If yes, which ones? Why did they surprise you?

Did the assessment identify a tendency that you had not previously associated with unforgiveness?

☐ Yes
☐ No
☐ I am not sure

If yes, which tendency?

What has this assessment helped you to understand about that tendency?

Looking for Patterns

Do several of your higher-scoring responses relate to the same person or offence?

☐ Yes
☐ No
☐ I am not sure

If yes, what pattern do you notice?

Are there particular situations or circumstances in which these responses are more likely to occur?

☐ Yes
☐ No
☐ I am not sure

If yes, what are they?

Do any of your higher-scoring responses tend to occur together?

☐ Yes
☐ No
☐ I am not sure

If yes, which ones?

What does this pattern reveal about the way unforgiveness tends to manifest itself in your life?

My Key Discoveries

What has this assessment revealed about the symptoms of unforgiveness that are most evident in your life?

Which of your responses would you most like to understand better? Why?

Before I Move On

Review the responses you have identified for closer attention.

Which symptom of unforgiveness would you most like to address?

What change would you like to see in the way this symptom manifests itself in your life?