01.05.T02-SA — Self-Assessment: Preventing Bitterness and Unforgiveness

How Well Do You Guard Against Bitterness and Unforgiveness?

This Self-Assessment invites you to examine how you typically respond to situations that could create bitterness and unforgiveness.

Answer according to what you actually tend to do, rather than what you believe you should do.

How to Complete the Assessment

For each statement, select the response that best describes you.

1 — Never | 2 — Rarely | 3 — Sometimes | 4 — Often | 5 — Very Often

1. I recognise when my expectations of other people may be higher than is reasonable.

1  2  3  4  5

2. I accept that people who are close to me may disappoint me or fail to respond as I expected.

1  2  3  4  5

3. I avoid assuming that a previous offence will necessarily be repeated.

1  2  3  4  5

4. I avoid judging one person according to my experience with someone else.

1  2  3  4  5

5. When someone offends me, I remember that I have also needed other people's forgiveness.

1  2  3  4  5

6. I am careful about whom I confide in when someone has offended me.

1  2  3  4  5

7. I recognise when another person's advice or comments are increasing my resentment towards an offender.

1  2  3  4  5

8. I remind myself that forgiving an offender is also beneficial to me.

1  2  3  4  5

9. I recognise the kinds of offences and behaviours that are most likely to provoke a strong reaction from me.

1  2  3  4  5

10. I notice when resentment is beginning to develop within me.

1  2  3  4  5

11. I examine what may have triggered my resentment before it becomes firmly established.

1  2  3  4  5

12. I adjust my expectations when someone repeatedly behaves in a way that I have learnt to anticipate.

1  2  3  4  5

13. When I am offended, I distinguish between what actually happened and my assumptions about why it happened.

1  2  3  4  5

14. I avoid repeatedly going over an offence in my mind.

1  2  3  4  5

15. I control what I say or write when I am emotionally charged by an offence.

1  2  3  4  5

16. I consider whether an offence deserves my continued attention or would be better ignored.

1  2  3  4  5

17. I give myself time to think before responding when I am seriously offended.

1  2  3  4  5

18. I consider the possible consequences of my response before acting against an offender.

1  2  3  4  5

19. I avoid allowing one offence to make me negative towards other people or circumstances.

1  2  3  4  5

20. I try to understand an offender's circumstances or perspective before judging his or her actions.

1  2  3  4  5

Your Prevention Practices Score

Add your responses to Statements 1–20.

Your Score: ______ / 100

Understanding Your Score

20–39 — Prevention Practices Require Considerable Attention

Several of the practices explored in this chapter are not yet consistently reflected in your responses to offences. Review your lowest-rated statements and identify those that may leave you particularly vulnerable to bitterness and unforgiveness.

40–59 — Some Prevention Practices Are Developing

Some prevention practices are evident in your responses, while others may require greater attention. Your lowest-rated statements can help you identify where greater awareness or consistency may be needed.

60–79 — Many Prevention Practices Are Evident

Many of the practices explored in this chapter are reflected in the way you respond to offences. Review your lower ratings to identify areas in which you could strengthen your response.

80–100 — Prevention Practices Are Strongly Evident

Your responses indicate that many of the practices that can guard against bitterness and unforgiveness are strongly evident. Continue to pay attention to any individual statements on which you rated yourself lower.

Taking a Closer Look

1. Which three statements received your lowest ratings?

1. ______________________________________________________

2. ______________________________________________________

3. ______________________________________________________

2. Were any of your ratings lower than you expected?

☐ Yes
☐ No

If yes, which ones? Why did the ratings surprise you?

3. Which prevention practice do you find most difficult to apply when you have been seriously offended? Why?

4. Which prevention practice do you already apply most consistently?

5. Is there a prevention practice that could have changed the way you responded to a previous offence?

☐ Yes
☐ No
☐ I am not sure

If yes, which practice and what difference could it have made?

Before You Move On

In reference to the prevention practices identified through this assessment, which one would you like to apply more consistently? Why?