01.06.T02-SA — Self-Assessment: Forgiving Offenders

How Do You Respond When You Choose to Forgive?

This Self-Assessment invites you to examine how closely your responses to offenders reflect the principles of forgiveness explored in this chapter.

Answer according to what you actually tend to do, rather than what you believe you should do.

How to Complete the Assessment

For each statement, select the response that best describes you.

1 — Never | 2 — Rarely | 3 — Sometimes | 4 — Often | 5 — Very Often

1. I make the decision to forgive without waiting for the offender to apologise.

1  2  3  4  5

2. When I decide to forgive someone, I deliberately resist thoughts that could renew my resentment towards that person.

1  2  3  4  5

3. I make an effort to recognise positive qualities in someone who has offended me.

1  2  3  4  5

4. I maintain my decision to forgive even when negative feelings towards the offender resurface.

1  2  3  4  5

5. I recognise that forgiving someone does not require me to disregard what I have learnt about that person's behaviour.

1  2  3  4  5

6. I acknowledge resentment that remains after I believe I have forgiven someone rather than pretending that it is no longer there.

1  2  3  4  5

7. I consider an offender's circumstances or perspective when reflecting on what happened.

1  2  3  4  5

8. I treat an offender with respect even when I strongly disapprove of what he or she did.

1  2  3  4  5

9. I exercise self-control in what I say or do when dealing with someone who has offended me.

1  2  3  4  5

10. I avoid competing with an offender or trying to prove that I am better than that person.

1  2  3  4  5

11. I avoid repeatedly bringing up offences that I have already decided to forgive.

1  2  3  4  5

12. When someone offends me again, I deal with the current offence without adding previous offences to it.

1  2  3  4  5

13. I can wish an offender well even when our relationship remains difficult.

1  2  3  4  5

14. I avoid rejoicing when something goes wrong for someone who has offended me.

1  2  3  4  5

15. I maintain my own standards of behaviour regardless of how an offender has treated me.

1  2  3  4  5

16. I separate what a person did from my overall view of that person.

1  2  3  4  5

17. I avoid using forgiveness as a means of obtaining something from an offender.

1  2  3  4  5

18. I recognise when an offender needs space rather than insisting on restoring the relationship immediately.

1  2  3  4  5

19. I recognise that forgiving an offender does not necessarily mean restoring the relationship to what it was before the offence.

1  2  3  4  5

20. I consider the risks involved before allowing an offender back into areas of my life where I could be harmed again.

1  2  3  4  5

Your Forgiveness Practices Score

Add your responses to Statements 1–20.

Your Score: ______ / 100

Understanding Your Score

20–39 — Forgiveness Practices Require Considerable Attention

Your responses suggest that several of the forgiveness practices explored in this chapter are not yet consistently reflected in the way you respond to offenders.

Look closely at the statements on which you scored lowest. These can identify particular aspects of forgiveness that require greater attention.

40–59 — Some Forgiveness Practices Are Developing

Your responses suggest that some forgiveness practices are evident while others are less consistently applied.

Review your lowest-rated statements. They can help you identify where your understanding of forgiveness needs to become more evident in your response to offenders.

60–79 — Many Forgiveness Practices Are Evident

Your responses suggest that many of the forgiveness practices explored in this chapter are evident in the way you respond to offenders.

Pay particular attention to your lower-rated statements since these may identify practices that you do not yet apply consistently.

80–100 — Forgiveness Practices Are Strongly Evident

Your responses suggest that the principles of forgiveness explored in this chapter are strongly reflected in many of your responses to offenders.

Individual lower ratings remain important. Consider whether particular offenders, offences or circumstances make some forgiveness practices more difficult for you to apply.

Taking a Closer Look

1. Which three statements received your lowest ratings?

1. ______________________________________________________

2. ______________________________________________________

3. ______________________________________________________

2. Were any of your ratings lower than you expected?

☐ Yes
☐ No

If yes, which ones? Why did the ratings surprise you?

3. Is there a particular offender or offence that makes any of the forgiveness practices identified through this assessment especially difficult for you to apply?

☐ Yes
☐ No
☐ I am not sure

If yes, which practice do you find difficult to apply?

What makes applying that practice difficult in this situation?

4. Which forgiveness practice do you already apply most consistently?

5. In reference to the forgiveness practices identified through this assessment, which one would you like to apply more consistently? Why?

I particularly like the way Statements 18–20 preserve the chapter's distinction between forgiveness, reconciliation and personal safety. The assessment therefore does not inadvertently imply that a person has failed to forgive simply because he or she has not restored a relationship.