01.07.T03-AP — Action Planning: Becoming Easier to Forgive
01.07.T03-AP — Action Planning: Becoming Easier to Forgive
Purpose
This tool helps you plan how to take responsibility after causing hurt, remove behaviours that obstruct forgiveness and make relationship repair more possible.
Part A: A Relationship I Need to Address
1. Whom have you hurt or offended in a way that may still require attention?
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2. What did you do, or fail to do, that made the hurt harder for that person to resolve?
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3. Which behaviour from this chapter best describes your response: failing to apologise, anger, repetition, excuses, defensiveness, silent treatment, rejecting an olive branch, sanctions or selfishness?
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Part B: My Repair Plan
4. What do you need to apologise for clearly and specifically?
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5. What excuse or defensive explanation will you leave out of the apology?
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6. What behaviour must change so that the offence is not repeated?
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7. How will you respond if the person is not immediately ready to forgive you?
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8. What will you do if the person points out additional hurt that you had not recognised?
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9. What olive branch from the person have you previously ignored or rejected?
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10. What benefit, opportunity, warmth or cooperation have you withheld as a form of punishment?
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Part C: Building a Different Pattern
11. What will you do when shame tempts you to become angry?
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12. What will replace defensiveness when you receive difficult feedback?
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13. What will replace silent treatment when you need time to calm down?
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14. How will you show empathy for the other person’s expectations and feelings?
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15. Who can hold you accountable for changing a repeated offending behaviour?
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Part D: My Commitment
16. What first repair action will you take, and when?
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17. What would demonstrate over time that your apology was genuine rather than merely verbal?
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