01.07.T01-RS — Reflection Scorecard: It Takes Two to Tango
01.07.T01-RS — Reflection Scorecard: It Takes Two to Tango
Purpose
This tool helps you reflect on behaviours that can make it unnecessarily difficult for other people to forgive you and on your responsibility to create a more constructive environment after you have caused hurt.
Part A: Lutalo’s Contribution to the Damage
1. How did Lutalo’s habit of continuing “business as usual” without apologising deepen the damage caused by his offences against Birungi?
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2. Why can gifts, friendliness or other gestures fail when the offended person needs a clear and sincere apology?
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3. What does Lutalo’s tendency to turn shame into anger reveal about using intimidation to silence people who point out wrongdoing?
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4. How could Lutalo’s repeated intentional offences have produced numbness, demotivation and emotional withdrawal in the people he hurt?
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5. Why do repeated excuses, such as Shila’s explanations to Rehema, make a sincere apology lose credibility?
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6. How does going on the defensive turn an opportunity for repair into a blaming session?
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7. What did Tibaine’s silent treatment do to the conflict with Desta instead of solving it?
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8. Why can rejecting another person’s olive branch eventually cause that person to give up on reconciliation?
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9. How did Lutalo’s sanctions against Birungi for giving professional feedback make the original relationship damage worse?
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10. What does Lutalo’s expectation that others should tolerate his offences while he had little tolerance for theirs reveal about selfishness in relationships?
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Part B: My Responsibility When I Offend
11. Why does acknowledging my contribution to a damaged relationship not necessarily mean accepting blame for everything that happened?
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12. What is the difference between saying “I am sorry” to end discomfort and apologising in a way that recognises the other person’s hurt?
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13. Why is changing repeated behaviour an important part of making forgiveness easier for the person I hurt?
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14. What can I learn from the chapter about receiving feedback from someone who says I have hurt that person?
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Part C: Personal Reflection
15. Which of the behaviours in this chapter would make it hardest for another person to forgive you?
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16. Which behaviour are you most likely to use when you feel ashamed, exposed or accused?
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17. What does Birungi’s observation that she would have healed faster if Lutalo had created a conducive environment challenge you to change?
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