01.06.T02-SA — Self-Assessment: How I Practise Forgiveness

Purpose

This tool helps you assess how closely your present approach to forgiveness reflects the principles and examples developed in the chapter.

Scoring: Consistently = 4   Often = 3   Sometimes = 2   Rarely = 1. For the clarity items: Clearly = 4   Mostly = 3   Partly = 2   Not yet = 1.

Part A: Intention and the Heart

1. I can make a deliberate decision to forgive even when an offender has not apologised.

☐ Consistently

☐ Often

☐ Sometimes

☐ Rarely

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2. When bitterness returns, I deliberately redirect my thoughts instead of feeding the offence.

☐ Consistently

☐ Often

☐ Sometimes

☐ Rarely

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3. I avoid allowing changing feelings to determine whether I behave as a forgiver.

☐ Consistently

☐ Often

☐ Sometimes

☐ Rarely

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4. I can honestly acknowledge hurt without pretending that the offence did not matter.

☐ Consistently

☐ Often

☐ Sometimes

☐ Rarely

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Part B: Remembering with Wisdom

5. I understand that forgiving someone does not require me to forget the person’s known weaknesses.

☐ Clearly

☐ Mostly

☐ Partly

☐ Not yet

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6. I can take sensible precautions without using those precautions as an excuse to remain bitter.

☐ Consistently

☐ Often

☐ Sometimes

☐ Rarely

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7. I avoid keeping a mental record that I read back whenever the offender makes another mistake.

☐ Consistently

☐ Often

☐ Sometimes

☐ Rarely

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Part C: Demonstrating Forgiveness

8. I can treat an offender with respect even when I disapprove of the person’s behaviour.

☐ Consistently

☐ Often

☐ Sometimes

☐ Rarely

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9. I can wish an offender well rather than secretly enjoying the person’s difficulties.

☐ Consistently

☐ Often

☐ Sometimes

☐ Rarely

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10. I can show kindness without using forgiveness to manipulate an offender into giving me something.

☐ Consistently

☐ Often

☐ Sometimes

☐ Rarely

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11. I can identify positive qualities in an offender without minimising the offence.

☐ Consistently

☐ Often

☐ Sometimes

☐ Rarely

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12. I can exercise patience when an offender does not change as quickly as I hope.

☐ Consistently

☐ Often

☐ Sometimes

☐ Rarely

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Part D: Reconciliation

13. I distinguish forgiveness from immediate restoration of trust.

☐ Clearly

☐ Mostly

☐ Partly

☐ Not yet

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14. I can rebuild a relationship gradually rather than forcing closeness because I have forgiven.

☐ Consistently

☐ Often

☐ Sometimes

☐ Rarely

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15. I can assess health, security and other risks before restoring physical closeness with an offender.

☐ Consistently

☐ Often

☐ Sometimes

☐ Rarely

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Total Score: __________ / 60

Score Interpretation

15–25: The score suggests that the practice of forgiveness requires substantial attention. Review the lowest-rated statements and identify the attitudes or habits that need deliberate change.

26–37: The score suggests developing strength in the practice of forgiveness, but important inconsistencies remain. Give priority to the lower-rated responses.

38–48: The score suggests generally healthy the practice of forgiveness. Preserve the stronger patterns while strengthening the responses that are less consistent.

49–60: The score suggests strong and consistent the practice of forgiveness. Continue practising these qualities while remaining honest about any lower-rated response.

16. Which principle of forgiveness is strongest in your life?

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17. Which principle is hardest for you to practise?

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18. Which offender or relationship provides the clearest opportunity for you to practise that principle now?

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01.06.T03-AP — Action Planning: Practising Forgiveness Deliberately and Wisely

Purpose

This tool helps you develop a practical plan for forgiving an offender in a way that addresses your heart, thoughts, behaviour, boundaries and any appropriate reconciliation.

Part A: The Person I Need to Forgive

1. Whom do you need to forgive or forgive more completely?

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2. What offence are you choosing to close rather than continue carrying?

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3. What apology, explanation or change have you been waiting for before allowing yourself to forgive?

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Part B: Conditioning My Heart and Thoughts

4. What deliberate statement will you use to reinforce your decision to forgive?

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5. Which recurring negative thought about the offender will you stop entertaining?

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6. What positive or balanced truth about the person or situation can replace that thought?

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7. What will you do when painful feelings return after you have decided to forgive?

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Part C: Demonstrating Forgiveness

8. What respectful or kind behaviour can demonstrate that you are no longer seeking revenge?

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9. What “offences log book” behaviour must you stop?

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10. How will you resist rejoicing when the offender experiences difficulty?

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11. What good quality or contribution of the offender can you acknowledge without excusing the wrongdoing?

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Part D: Wisdom and Reconciliation

12. What weakness or risk do you need to remember even after forgiving?

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13. What boundary, if any, is necessary to protect your health, safety or wellbeing?

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14. Is reconciliation appropriate? If yes, what small and realistic first step could you take?

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15. What would show that you are trying to manipulate the offender rather than simply forgive?

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16. What will help you keep going without repeatedly looking back at the offence?

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Part E: My Commitment

17. Complete this statement: I choose to forgive __________ for __________, and I will demonstrate that decision by __________.

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18. When will you review whether bitterness is still leaking back into your thoughts or behaviour?

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