COMMUNICATION AND EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

5. SOME CRITICISMS ARE DESTRUCTIVE - IDENTIFY THEM AND IGNORE THEM

Of ‘Self Esteem and A Boss’ Deadly Utterances’

I smiled at the waiters as I entered the Spur.  Being a Sunday afternoon, the place was crowded with families that had come to treat their children to some exciting games and food delicacies.  But my visit was nowhere related to family fancies.  To the contrary, I was here to meet my friend Zebi, who had invited me for an urgent tête-à-tête.   

Spotting Zebi in the crowded restaurant was not hard since we had agreed that she picks a conspicuous spot to sit.  As soon as I got to her table, we hugged in affectionate greetings that almost attracted the attention of those nearby.  Soon, drinks had been ordered and we were ready for some ‘girl-talk’. 

Zebi went straight to the point.  Apparently, she had been having problems at work, and was contemplating to quit.  “Why?” I enquired.  Then she outlined several incidents where her immediate boss Paulo had unfairly criticised her.  “Amazingly, the chief executive and other managers frequently commend my work; but, Paulo ‘punches holes’ in everything I do”, she lamented.  “He has made me lose my self-esteem…, I just don’t’ feel confident anymore”, she mourned.  It was at this point that I narrated the following story.

Tomasi had just completed his studies at medical school.  The final year had gone unusually fast.  And now, the day was nigh when examination results would be posted on the university notice board for all to see.  He had to be early, as he was sure that the notice board area would be crowded.

But just before he could disembark from the loaded bus, he received a call from the head of medical school, summoning him to his office immediately.

As he went up the steps, he wondered what could be the reason for the Professor’s urgent call.  Over the years, he had established a ‘mentor’ relationship with the reputable surgeon.  In fact, on several occasions, Tomasi had gone to the Professor for advice regarding various aspects of his studies.

After a gentle knock on the Professor’s door, the surgeon’s hearty voice welcomed Tomasi into the office saying, “I have some very good news. You were the best in your class; and therefore, the university has awarded you a scholarship to pursue a Masters in the US”.  The student was overjoyed.

Within a few months, Tomasi departed for further studies.  Being a hard worker, the US professors were so impressed with his performance that at the end of his studies, he was offered a job as a brain surgeon. 

As he was driving to work one morning, Tomasi received a call from his mother.  Apparently, his grandfather had passed away, but the grandpa had insisted that his grandson must bury him.  The following day, Tomasi was on a flight headed home.

The funeral arrangements went smoothly.  Soon after the burial, Tomasi stayed for a few weeks, so as to catch up with relatives and friends, as he had been away for a couple of years.

It was on one of the days that he met Kibaya, an old childhood friend with whom they used to play village football.  During their ‘catch-up chat’, Kibaya regretfully mentioned (among other things) that his wife had a brain tumour; and that, sadly, he (Kibaya) could not afford the operation.  Tomasi was so touched; saying that he could offer to operate on Kibaya’s wife for free.

But the response that Tomasi received from Kibaya was far from what the doctor could have expected.  Rather than being grateful for the offer, Kibaya retorted suspiciously, “Tomasi, we were playing football with you ‘only the other day’…, and now you say that you can perform brain surgery?  Such operations require experts. Maybe, if you could recommend another surgeon…!”  With such a comment, it was obvious that Kibaya did not believe that Tomasi was capable of operating his wife, or any other person for that matter. 

At this juncture, I asked Zebi, “What if I was to tell you that after they parted, Tomasi called the US Professors, informing them of his decision not to return to work since ‘some people’ in his village had been saying that he (Tomasi) was not a genuine doctor.  Would you have complied with his reaction?”

Zebi looked at me intently and said, “Of course not!  Tomasi had already proved himself as a doctor.  He had a lot going for him, and Kibaya was just one person, as compared to many others that appreciated Tomasi’ performance”.

Then I said, “That is why you should also not allow Paulo’s destructive criticisms to deter you from doing your job.  Focus on doing your best, try to learn from the mistakes you make.  Know your strengths and diligently improve on those areas where you are weak.  Never allow the boss’ negative comments to influence you to the point that you start doubting your capability.” 

A short while later, we paid our bill and said our goodbyes.  And, from the look on Zebi’s face, I could tell that she felt better.  After all, that is what good friends are there for!