CHAPTER 2

The Common Symptoms of Unforgiveness

Your Unforgiveness May Camouflage Itself

In a remote African village, there lived a woman named Harika who had clocked several years as a primary school teacher.  Unfortunately, immediately after retirement, life had become a dredge for the pensioner.  What with escalating costs of living coupled with the lack of a salary to finance her livelihood?  Therefore, when Harika’s Americanised brother Nsozi decided to return from the States for good, hope broke through the old lady’s horizon.  For not only was the ‘US-bred’ Nsozi loaded with ideas on how to rid the pensioner of ‘old-age poverty’, but he also knew how to click the internet.

One night, Harika sat excitedly on the edge of a chair beside Nsozi, in an internet café that had just been opened in their vicinity.  As the two waited for the old and dusty computer to open, she could not help but thank God for ‘technology’.  For, only a couple of months before, an excited Nsozi had called Harika, exclaiming that he had landed on an Italian named Romeo, who desperately needed to import organic watermelons from East Africa.  “Harika, word has it that the fruit works magic for kidneys”, Nsozi had revealed on the phone.  Harika could not hide her amazement.  The watermelon?  A magic fruit?  The plant had been known to grow wild since time began…, at least in her village.  The pensioner was quick to grasp the opportunity.  “I can interest our cooperative society to grow the fruits”, she had responded, as the thought of saying farewell to her economic predicaments started to crystallise.

Immediately thereafter, Harika contacted Nantuusi, the head of the cooperative society; who was grossly excited about the opportunity of earning an extra shilling.  “You will need to make a ‘50% down-payment’ before we can grow the melons”, Nantuusi had alerted Harika; a condition which had taken the pensioner by surprise.  Because, obviously, there was no way that she could secure the funds that Nantuusi was talking about.  “Where is all that money going to come from?”  Harika had cried to Nsozi, as soon as she landed home; only for the brother to laugh ‘millionaire-ishly’.  “Money can never be a problem…, where there is a will, there is always a way”, he responded.  That was when Nsozi persuaded Harika to mortgage her house.  “The returns from this deal are way above the money you have ever dreamt of touching…; you will be so surprised by the speed at which the melons will pay you back”, he had advised; dispelling any fears that Harika had been hoarding.  In only a few days, Harika had made the down payment; after which the society embarked on growing the melons.  And now, her dreams were only a few hours away from becoming a reality, she mused reassuringly.

“Thank God, things have gone so smoothly”, Harika would repeatedly mutter to Nsozi, as they waited to contact Romeo.  “At last!”, Nsozi sighed with relief, as the email sprung open.  And in just an instant, information had been sent to the Italian that the consignment had been shipped to Rome.  However, things turned sour two days later, when a furious Romeo called, reporting that ‘Mediterranean fly’ maggots had been discovered in the melons.  “The authorities had no choice other than to destroy the entire consignment…; what a shame…; you promised that you would deliver…”, snarled Romeo.  “But each melon was checked carefully, and they all looked okay” a frantic Nsozi had insisted to the Italian.  “Do not argue my friend”, the Italian had roared on the phone; “I thought you knew that infected melons can appear deceptively healthy on the outside whilst eaten up on the inside…, some of the maggots are not even visible to the normal eye”.

A few years later, Harika’s house was auctioned by the bank, as she did not have even a penny to pay for her mortgage.  Today, she lives in a shack on one of the deserted back-streets. 

Did you know that an unforgiving person is like an infected watermelon which looks healthy on the outside yet eaten up inside?  For, just like the Mediterranean fly, anger, resentment, bitterness, blame, hostility, hatred, disappointment and other negative emotions colonise that person’s mind like maggots; getting stirred up whenever she or he recalls an offender.  Sad to say, these emotions render unforgivers plagued, polluted and miserable.    

Apparently, I had noticed that such feelings would spring up each time Birungi recalled Lutalo; signalling that she had become a victim of unforgiveness just as I had suspected.  The hitch though, was that she was not ready to admit that status. 

Are you facing the same dilemma?  Just as was the case for Birungi, knowing the common indicators of unforgiveness will clear your mind, such that you can better ascertain whether you are walking in unforgiveness or otherwise. 

Avoiding Offenders

Avoidance is a common symptom of unforgiveness.  For instance, even though a girl named Katalina claimed to have forgiven her manager Nathani, she would go to great lengths to ensure that their paths never met.  It all started when the boss refused to endorse Katalina’s application for study leave to revise for a fully-sponsored course that she (Katalina) had fought tooth and nail to get.  To add salt to injury, Nathani had hiked the girl’s job responsibilities.  With hardly any time left to attend classes, Katalina had been forced to withdraw from the program, and lose a much-sought-after scholarship.  That was when she had literally enrolled Nathani on the list of creatures she would never forgive.  “It had become common for me to divert my path whenever I sensed that I could bump into the guy”, she confesses.  Actually, by spending her precious time contemplating on how much she hated Nathani, she was carrying the boss in her thoughts day-in, day-out.  Therefore, dodging him physically never gave her any relief, other than making her life more miserable.  Likewise, you can never eliminate an offender by simply avoiding that person.