Chronic Brooding
Unforgiveness can display itself through persistent sulking and brooding. This was what Desta’s husband Tibaine confessed to, when he visited us recently. I could not help but ask why he was not his usual bubbly self. “Things are not well at home”, he disclosed. Then I came to learn that, two years into their marriage, Desta’s irrational craving for ‘night life’ had started to show. “My wife wants us to go out for glamorous dinners and hot discos every weekend, when we still have a mortgage to pay…”, he lamented. “To make matters worse, she never takes ‘no’ for an answer…, if I fail to oblige her requests, she scolds me for hours on end” he added. “Recently, Desta developed a habit of throwing demeaning comments at me, right in the presence of our visitors. But since retaliating always breeds an ‘over-night fight’, I chose to make my words scarce, although I am hurting on the inside”, he admitted. Tibaine went on to relay how he preferred to keep to himself most times; or to go on business trips during weekends. “My life is freer and happier when I am away from home”, he concluded.
If you identify with what Tibaine confessed, what you are experiencing is termed ‘brooding’. It involves spending hours reminiscing about what an offender did. Often, such thoughts leave you sullen; gloomy and joyless. In fact, should you catch yourself reflecting on questions like: “how could she?”; “how dare he do that?”; “who does she think she is?” and the like; that is another indication of ‘brooding’.
At this juncture, I noticed that Birungi was somewhat overwhelmed. “Joy”, she said quizzically; “would you be shocked to know that I am actually experiencing most of the symptoms you just outlined?” she asked admittedly. How about you? Perhaps, just like Birungi, similar questions are daunting your mind. Could it be that you, also, are harbouring that much bitterness unawares? The good news is, unforgiveness and bitterness can be prevented, as Birungi soon found out.